Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
