Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
