I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
