Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
