My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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