Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
