I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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