My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i love accidental penises.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
