and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
