i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
