Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
