she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
