Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
