I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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