when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
