i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
