Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
