He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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