there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
