I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
