everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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