things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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