Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
