READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
