Nicole vs. Life
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
