just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
