I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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