used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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