The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
