At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
