11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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