I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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