oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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