I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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