My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
