I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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