we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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