she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
