we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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