In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
