On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
