She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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