You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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