Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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