He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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