So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
