and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
