I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
