toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
