Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
