Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
