return my video game
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
