The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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