can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
