i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
