maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
