Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
