3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
