your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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