everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
