oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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