3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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