Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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