is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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