well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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