MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
