Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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