I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
