im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
