I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize