who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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